WARNING: May be graphic for some. Sexual assault triggers…
So I have this friend. She discovered a sex scandal secret within her family. She opened up to the family about her abuse and the abuse of 3 other women in her family.
She found out that this has been going on for a LONG time and the number of victims is up to at least 7. There could be 15-20+ out there (based on past girlfriends, almost all of them having daughters from age 6-16). She found out that there is long family history of abuse. The stories are haunting.
She had no choice but to sever ties with his entire family, many of whom she loves dearly. It sucks that she has to lose 40+ family members while the cold blooded sex offender attends church with them every Sunday and is welcome at a Thanksgiving dinner full of young women and children. It sucks so bad for those little kids running around Grandma’s house. They will probably never know his history until it is too late. All because their parents chose to pull the f*&cking wool over their eyes. This same family openly condemns same-sex families (because THAT would destroy the sanctity of marriage), yet openly accepts a violent repeat sex offender into their family. (This sounds so familiar…wait…oh yea, that big Catholic church sex scandal!)
She is doing really well despite the horrific unfolding. She is a SURVIVOR! She feels sorry for the abuser…to have such hate and anger in his soul. To have such low self esteem that he has to manipulate, control and hurt women and innocent little children. He could have been abused himself and never had enough strength to work through his own hurt, that he has decided to pass it on to other women. He is so careless about his abuse that it’s almost like he is begging to get caught. My friend can do nothing, she is powerless and I am sure he loves that. Her statute of limitations has expired. She is not a threat to him. He has worked for almost 2 decades to damage her character so that if she talked, people wouldn’t believe her. He kept track of every tiny mistake or bad decision that she has made in her entire life…from her teens on. He has done the same with most of his victims. For example, “Oh, you cannot believe a word THAT woman says…do you know what she told me once?” He has admitted abusing my friend to one person, but told that person that “she asked for it, she seduced me, she walked around the house in her towel”.
You tell me what 14 year old girl needs to seduce her father?! A 14 year old girl can find a horny teenage boy in 2 seconds. But this is what sex offenders do. They are good at what they do and they have it all figured out. They befriend you with their charm. They start with “I care about you so much. I heard you are having a hard time. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Do you want to talk about it?” Then the hugs start…then the hugs turn into really tight, involuntary hugs, where you find yourself blocking contact with your arms because it doesn’t feel right, but it’s a wedding…and you hug people, right? …then the shoulder rubs…then the back massages. Then the massages feel a little too close to where the hands shouldn’t be, but maybe you are being paranoid and it’s not intentional. It can’t be intentional. Not in MY FAMILY! That stuff happens to *other* people. This man has a career, he’s hardworking, has morals, is religious, has a college education, has a lot of friends. Actually, he’s the typical child molester…just like George.
With kids it starts with the rough housing, spending just a little extra time in the genital area while wrestling on the floor. The *fun* uncle who is so good with kids, you know. Wrestling until they get hurt a little and cry, so they can show compassion and console them. Then the tickles. Getting them used to feeling good, but tickling them even when they say “stop” or “no”. (Don’t let people tickle your kids). Conditioning them for the next involuntary action…when they want to say no, but maybe it feels nice at first and they don’t understand why…and this guy is someone my parents trust, right? They are little kids.
They offer to take little ones potty. Offer to help get the little ones down for a nap. Jumping at any alone time with the child…to condition them…to ease them into being feeling like the bad touches are normal. You notice these abusers don’t know where to put their hands when rough housing in front of the parents, because they have been moelsting children for so long that can’t tell appropriate from inappropriate anymore. You notice awkward movements…as if avoiding temptation. You notice they are uncomfortable around kids who run around naked. (most children do at some point in their childhood, if they are raised in a safe, healthy environment without shame). The abusers want children to feel that their bodies are inappropriate or “bad” in some way. That there is something wrong with running around without a diaper for a few minutes. Making sure that the kids think that the abuser is a responsible adult, who knows good from bad. They want to be the ones helping teach the kids what is inappropriate and what is not. So the children know they are a person of integrity that can be trusted…even behind closed doors. Manipulation.
My friend has reminded me that you can’t judge someone’s character from the outside!!!
| “Numerous studies of adult victims have sought to link child molestation victims to lower social class and lower family income. All have failed. Child victims and their abusers exist equally in families of all income levels and classes. And, now from the study, we know that child molesters are as equally married, educated, employed, and religious as any other Americans.” -Child Molestation Research and Prevention |
This is my last blog entry. I will have a new blog where I openly discuss my friend’s story of being a sexual abuse survivor. If you want to follow, let me know. Otherwise, it will be an anonymous blog. I will have another private blog with a password, where I share photos and stories of my family (in case my friend’s father or other abuser happens to read my blog).
Child Molestation Research & Prevention
Darkness to Light – end childhood sexual abuse
National Child Sexual Abuse Hotline: 1-866-FOR-LIGHT (1-866-367-5444)
Be safe friends!
